A Sense of Achievement

One of the things that I have to drag myself to do in my capacity as the head of faculty is to attend the annual graduation ceremony.  Sitting on the stage, facing the hundreds of graduands and their families, while wearing layers of thick clothing (in addition to the usual shirt, suit and tie, there is the long and baggy ceremonial academic gown) is definitely not my idea of a good time.

Last year's graduation ceremony took place not very long after I came into office, hence i was reading out names of graduands who I do not know, as they have all completed their studies before (or around the time of) my joining the college.  Frankly, I felt extremely awkward and out of place at last year's ceremony.  Students were all looking for the various lecturers and faculty heads to take photographs with, but I was pretty much ignored.  Can't say I blame them, after all, I had no part to play in their studies.  I did try my best to engage the parents of the graduands of my faculty, but having not known their kids personally, my attempts at conversation were lame and pathetic to say the very least.

This year's graduation ceremony was held yesterday.  It was the same ritual, layered in thick clothing (hotter than last year as I was wearing a new and thick blazer - what was I thinking?) I was extremely not looking forward to the ceremony when I first arrive at the ceremony hall two hours before the start of event.  So, I set out to expect another awkward afternoon, as those who know could testify, I am miserable in trying to have a good time.

Yet, when the graduands of my faculty began to show up, I find myself getting excited.  I fussed over them, I adjusted their graduation gowns (they were really clueless on how to dress properly, gowns and sashes were dropping everywhere, and mortalboards were tilting in every direction except the right direction), I took their photos, they took my photos, and I fussed over them and adjusted their gowns some more.

As I stood on the stage, reading out the name of each of my graduands, I can't help but look up at them and (actually) smile (something that I almost never do).  I can't help but feeling a sense of pride, a sense of accomplishment, to know that each of them were leaving with a little piece of me in them.  The fact that I had a part to play in them reaching the point in life that they are at, it was indeed a wonderfully uplifting experience.  For that few moments, as I smile at them and they smiled back; the hours of screaming at them back in class, the agony of dealing with their behaviours and the frustrations given to me by them, all felt worth it.  For a few moments, I realised that what I am doing at where I am actually is worth something.

The graduands from the A Levels (pre-law) programme.  Most of them are now students in my first year degree class. 

To add icing to the cake, one of the A Levels graduands of that day is also one of my Timothy, and not having his family around (he is from out of town), I was really glad to be able to be there with him; not just as his lecturer and faculty head, but also as his big brother; sharing his achievement, sharing his joy and sharing my clothes (he was wearing my other blazer and tie!).

Jeremy Oliver and I - student and lecturer, graduand and academic head, younger brother and elder ('older' is such a mean word) brother.

An Example?

Looked up the word 'example' from the online version of the Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary.  Two of the definitions provided were:

a person or their behaviour that is thought to be a good model for others to copy

a person's behaviour, either good or bad, that other people copy

I looked around my life, people who are supposedly are above me, superior to me; and I am sad to see that often time, I don't see much of 'behaviour that is thought to be a good model'.  I used to have a health science teacher who was a chain smoker.  He would taught us about the danger of smoking, and then said to us, 'do as I preach, not as I do'.

The fact is, that was a hard-sell from my health science teacher, especially when he was 'preaching' to a class of eager-eyed 13-year-old who look up to their teachers as the wisest men and women in the world (now that I am an educator myself, I realised, sadly, that educators are often time the least sensible people, sigh.)

St. Thomas Aquinas (1225-1274) in his Summa Theologica (circa 1266) propounded that built into ma's nature is a group of God-given 'inclinations' which allows us to differential between 'good' and 'bad' - which I read to mean that each of us, as God-created being, would be capable of knowing fully well whether each of our actions is good or bad.

Many a time, I find people whom are supposedly superior to me exhibiting behaviours that are obviously 'bad' (lie, cheat, fabricate, distorting truths, back-stab, bad-mouth... the list goes on and on), which as leaders, led to others copying and mimicking them.  After all, if my leader is doing so, why can't I, right?  Surely a leader couldn't say,' do as I expected you to, but not as I am doing', right?  How could a leader be bad and expect the followers to be good?

And what I see strikes fear in me.  In a way, I am a leader too.  I have been (at least professing to be) mentoring a relatively large group of teenage boys.  They (I hope) look up to me as their role model; they consult me when they face problems; they ask me for advise when they are confused; some of them even invite me to functions as stand-in of their parents (in the absence of their parents).

What kind of role model am I?  Are my behaviours, which my boys are copying, good or bad?  I can't say I have learnt a lot from people whom I look(ed) up to - though I do (still) have a handful of good role models and mentors of my own - and often time, people who I thought were great example of the fields that I am involved in have proven not to be good examples to follow.  So, what do I know about being an example?

Oh Lord, may it not be me that my boys are seeing, but You living through me that show forth.  May you block out all the bad thoughts, and botch out all the bad behaviours that come from the bad thoughts, so as not to let me be anything less than the role model these children of yours deserve.  In the glorious name of Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.

Dealing with the Ignorance Ignorant

[Disclaimer: This is going to be a passage of my lament, so for those who do not want to read anything but writings that are full of joy and cheers, please do not read on further.]

ig·no·rance [ig-ner-uhns] noun 

the state or fact of being ignorant; lack of knowledge, learning, information, etc.

I have been feeling like screaming out loud for the last one month, but, being the passive person that I am, I kept it in.  

It is funny how people who has the least knowledge of things are often time the ones who make the most comments, and at times, give the most instructions.  I really want to scream and shout at those people.  I mean, come on, you came to me because I have knowledge on the subject matter and you don't, shouldn't that be enough of a reason for you to back off and trust me to do the work?  If you do not trust my judgement on the matter, then why did you even ask me in the first place?

Why do people not realise that the more they try to make decisions with little or no knowledge of the subject matter (and thus overriding the decision of those who have the knowledge) they just make themselves look even more stupid than they already are by asking for help on the simplest things?  maybe that is why they are ignorance, for they are totally ignorance of how ignorance they are.

Sigh... I need McDonald's sundae, it is therapeutic, but I can't, lactose-intolerance.  Sigh and double-sigh.